When I Fancy Meself as a Poet

I don't write poetry that regularly, but when the inspiration hits me I sometimes dash off a few lines - and I'm a bit of a piss-taker poet so I like to throw in a bit of humour now and again. Here's one I did earlier. when I was working at a Jamaican attorney's office.

I was just getting the hang of things when the key person ran off to get married.

A Wedding Poem

This goodwill message comes from me to wish you all the best

Although the work you've left will put me – er, Femi – to the test.

I know the SIR and what it means – I know it’s not a knighthood

And all the other terms that I’ve hopefully understood.

Probate is when somebody dies, and somebody wants a fight

Because their auntie’s grandma did something that isn't right.

And stole the land through mickle and muckle and forging wills and stuff

And now the title's lost and can't be found – it's really tough.

In 2015 Mrs Mason bought a house somewhere in Ochie

But now she's died and left the land to s’maddy call … first name Coochie?

I know the Sale of Agreement means that both sides made a deal

And that three whole acres of farmland at $20k is a steal

There's a site to ‘pull down’ titles if the client can't remember.

It costs 500 and TRNs are backlogged past December.

You need to know the folio and the volume number too

It's easy – after seven years I'll know just what to do!

The lovely bank will be making sure that everything runs well

If you want to transfer funds, then they are top notch, I can tell!

The executors I'll see are all trustworthy to a man

I'd put them on my joint account – I'm sure, I know I can!

But anyway my point is – don't worry, have your fun

You deserve a time of happiness and now that time has come.

I wish you all the best; and also joy anew

Prosperity and spiritual strength to share with your Andrew.

May futures shine bright as you take your Ministry back home

And leave the probate misery to … wha’ she name again – Joan?

A happy wedding day to you as your event unfolds

A deep breath now! Big smile! From here on everything is gold.

Copyright 2019 J.J. Alleson