My Grandmother and Mrs Jones

Mrs Jones said to me:

“I don’t care if you’re a darkie

Come in and have a cup of tea.”

I can’t be offended at Mrs Jones

She’s just like my grandmother

She has the most politically incorrect tongue in the world

No one is safe.

I sit and listen to Mrs Jones talking about anyone she sees

Plus anyone she can’t see

If she had a spirit guide, she’d find something to criticise.

Their poor stature when floating and manifesting

Their dress sense, ambition, features, skin cream,

Whether their make-up  would look better on a man

The small things that there’s no law against.

But guess what? My grandmother is worse

Because she can criticise and curse

And in rhyme, rap, song or verse.

If my grandmother and my neighbour ever met

I don’t know where would be safe

Matter and antimatter meeting

But I know what they’d both say if they could,

“Annihilation? That doesn’t f**king  suit you!”